Aaaaaaargh. The Cable Internet has been iffy since Sunday. It's been back sporadically and briefly, but keeps crashing back out. I'm writing this Tuesday night; I'll bet it doesn't get posted till sometime Wednesday. (I was right.)

Saw my GP and and the oncologist today. My blood pressure is still up; we tweaked the meds again. The labs run last week came out good, I don't have acidosis. In fact, my A1C is 5.9, which is in the normal range, rather than diabetic. My kidneys are also back to normal -- I intend to treat my kidneys as a bit fragile, but having the numbers back to normal before surgery is really nice.

And the oncologist got my MRI and told me the results. It's clear the left breast has a lot of microcalcifications, but we already knew that. There appears to be no spreading, the right breast is clean, and so are my lymph nodes. This is excellent news. Because of the level of involvement in my left breast, we'll still need to do the sentinel node dissection, but the odds are excellent that there has been no spread of the cancer. We're all breathing a little easier tonight. I'm wiped out from running around to see the doctors. The less pleasant news -- my mom and sister (and kid) now have a first degree relative with breast cancer, which increases their risk of developing it as well. I will also probably take Tamoxifen for five years, since my cancer is 100% Estrogen positive. That's a good thing; Tamoxifen will halve my risk of cancer in the remaining breast. (If I decided to have the other breast removed, I wouldn't need Tamoxifen. However, I don't believe in damaging or removing a healthy organ, so I won't remove the other breast at this time.)

The oncologist talked about a genetic test to see if I have a damaged gene that makes me more susceptible to breast cancer -- BRCA1 and/or BRCA2. Most women with one or both of these genes are Ashkenazi Jews. My heritage isn't from that part of the country. I'm to talk with the office's genetic counselor after surgery to see if the test should be done. Only 17% of the women with the gene do develop breast cancer, and 85% of all women who have breast cancer do not have the gene. If the risk seems high enough, I'll probably do the test for my kid.

I've been reading various brochures. One was about dealing with the emotional stuff associated with cancer. One of the things that said was "Right now, it is all about you." Hubby agrees, and I'm trying to be that way, but it's hard when I'm hanging tough for the family to allow myself to break down.

Which is not to say I haven't broken down. Repeatedly. I just try to wait till everyone else is asleep and sob soundlessly. That makes it at least partially possible to stay together for the rest of the family during the day.

I am tiring more easily. I think it's the emotional burden that is getting to me rather than a physical response to the cancer. This stage of cancer shouldn't be exhausting, which is why I suspect the emotions to be the wearing part of this.

So, with the verdict that the right breast is fine, I'm keeping it. I prefer to leave a healthy organ alone.