Overdue update

I procrastinated writing for a while. My apologies to those of you watching this space for progress -- I've been healing and dealing and haven't been writing. I still have the drain in my side, which I find terribly annoying. It pinches, and I have to continue to wear this ghastly mastectomy bra while I have it and for 48 hours afterwards. Plus, I can't lean on my left side, which is my preferred position for computer use. When I sit my back hurts and my hips cramp, causing me to lay down. I've been laying down and sleeping a lot -- the Bassets love it. "Oh goody, Mom's sleeping again. We get to snuggle!"

So. I've talked to Reach to Recovery, a group from the American Cancer Society specifically for women who have had mastectomies. That was a nice visit, and they gave me a lightweight boob placemarker that I can wear before I heal enough for a prosthesis. It's made with fiberfill and has safety pins to keep it in place in a bra.

And at some point last week I looked in the mirror after a shower and saw that, to my horror, I was growing a breast under my left arm. Let me start by saying I am a big woman, and I had ample breasts. It was about a G cup. Well, when the left breast was removed, there was swelling under my left arm. It looked to me like about a B-cup tucked under my arm. I cried for hours that night, sure I was going to look like a freak. After I calmed down, I realized there is a bit of a fold of fat there on the other arm, it just hasn't had the breast removed from in front of it. Add to that the fact that I'm swelling and still draining a lot, and looking at other large women who have had mastectomies, the swelling should go away for the most part, and the fat left will probably redistribute over the next several months. I was horrified to see it, but now it looks more normal to me. And the swelling has gone down some.

Saw the oncologist on Friday. Turns out that a full pathology report placed the cancer at Grade 3; it was growing fast enough that there were pockets of necrosis within the small tumors. It was still a Stage 0 cancer, with multiple small tumors, but it was throughout the breast, not just in the front left portion, and growing faster than originally thought. That meant the mastectomy was definitely the right choice, and the surgeon got me really good, wide, clean margins, but it still shook me up to hear it was worse than I though. It's still 98% curable with surgery alone, though. I had to get a blood test to make sure my body can utilize Tamoxifen, although it sounds like it's a pretty good chance that it will work as planned. Once the test is back, I need to record the day I start Tamoxifen for the oncologist. I see him in three months, and see a genetic counselor next month. I suspect that there won't be any real reason for a genetic test. I don't know my cousins well enough to know if they have cancer, nor do they know that I have. I guess I should make an effort to contact my cousins and let them know, but that seems a pretty daunting task, especially since I haven't spoken to any of them in many years. I saw a few of them after Hubby and I got married, but haven't contacted any of them since then.

Tomorrow I see the surgeon. I probably don't get the drain out tomorrow, unfortunately, but she can check the drain site and make sure everything is OK. Maybe I can get a second bra (or permission to take this one off for a few hours to wash it) so I won't be grossed out putting it on. That's about the extent of my hopes for tomorrow's visit; a clean bra.