Update

I've been kind of out of it for a couple of days.

My pain has been very high for about a week. My pain level has been between 7 and 9 when I try to move much; even sitting up raises the pain level; but Gods, it is boring lying down all the time. My lower back/top of the pelvis, where most of the damage is, has been spasming any time I move or sit up. Less than fun, and I have no idea what to do to make it better.

The Tamoxifen is starting to affect me. A couple of nights ago I could not get to sleep. Between the hot flashes, the agitation, and my skin crawling, I got to sleep about 5:30 Thursday morning, and slept very poorly thereafter. I still woke up around 10, but I was very very tired. When Housemate came home after work, I told him I was terribly tired, and started to cry. This isn't normal for me. I gave up on making dinner and lay down; I managed to nap for an hour or so till Hubby got home from his evening class. Once I woke and then tried to go back to sleep, I had the same problem again; awake and unable to settle. I'd doze off while reading on the computer, then when I tried to sleep would be wide awake. Again with the hot flashes, agitation, and crawling skin. I made it to sleep a bit after 3, and again woke at 10. At least once I got to sleep last night, my sleep was restful and restorative; there just wasn't enough of it. Again today I've been tired and weepy, but not as badly as Thursday.

I called the oncologist yesterday after I woke. Got a call back from the nurse. Apparently the first med they prescribe for bad hot flashes is Clonidine, which I already take to control my blood pressure. So the nurse had to talk to the onco for another prescription. I'd asked her to call me before calling in a scrip, and she didn't call back till today. Then she called after office hours, and the kid accidentally dropped the call when trying to get it to me. The nurse called back, and it went straight to voice mail. Once I realized that and listened to the message, the nurse said that the oncologist wanted to prescribe Bellespa, but my pharmacy doesn't carry it. She said I needed to find a pharmacy that carries it.

One, that ain't my damn job. To be honest, I'm not sure a pharmacy would tell me if they stock a drug like that -- it sounds pretty potent. Two, I'm a chronic pain patient. I cannot be getting my prescriptions from more than one pharmacy. Third, my cursory research showed that the drug, which is an ergot/belladonna/phenobarbital medication, is contraindicated for most human conditions and many of my other meds. After reading through the monograph on the stuff, I think the hot flashes will be more bearable than the drug. It is indicated for migraines and hot flashes. The nurse had looked at my current medications, but wasn't concerned with most of them, and with the contraindications on this drug, I think that was an error. I can't say I'm particularly pleased at the moment.

On the other hand, she told me I could take cohosh. It may be next month before I can buy it; I need to check local prices, but it is all right for me to take. I understand black cohosh is the preferred one for menopause. The nurse did say "it's just an herb," and didn't know that it would be effective. It also doesn't have two pages of contraindications with it. And based on the price at that link, I should be able to find it affordably here in town.

So Monday, rather than telling the nurse which pharmacy they can call the prescription in to, I'll be detailing my concerns with the medication and having to find another pharmacy, and probably telling them to go hang and just taking herbals. At least herbals don't have common side effects of drowsiness (I'm already tired all the darned time), dry mouth, and constipation (both side effects of my pain meds as well; I don't want to bind up completely and I'd like to continue to be able to talk), and contraindications to most everything else I take, including those essential pain meds. I suspect any other med they come up with will be similarly flawed, so I'm working on getting used to the hot flashes.

I don't think the family grasps how badly I feel right now. It's kinda hard for them to tell when I'm usually in pain anyway, so I suspect it's not obvious to them that at the moment I'm bloody miserable, compared to my usual level of pain and discomfort. I don't want to stand up on a soapbox and announce how I feel, but it would be nice if they could read my mind and tell that I'm feeling worse than usual. I know that's not reasonable, but that's how I feel. Why can't they tell I'm in bad shape without a large-print sign or a monologue? Of course, if they tried to coddle me, I'd probably hate that too. One of the perils of feeling less than spiffy.


On the more interesting side, the sprog has announced that she wants to try out for sports. I've scheduled her for a sports physical next week, so she'll be good to go for the school year.

Hubby has passed the last class he'll be taking before starting employment -- he has a few more days in class, and will be sending out resumes and starting to interview next week. This weekend, I'll assist in working on some documentation he needs to finish and helping him on his resume.

He is attending a welding inspection class through the AWS (American Welding Society), which will give him valuable contacts, knowledge, and manuals. That's the week after next. He's planning to find a company that will work with him to allow him to finish the 22 days of classes he has left in order to get his advanced welding certificate. As hard as welders, especially good ones, are to find, I suspect he will find an employer to work with him. Of course, with me, he has to make sure the company has decent health insurance -- so he has several factors to consider in choosing his next job. We're all looking forward to getting back to a more normal life.